Medic VS Valentine
Created by: MadMaxPyro Description: Some doctors are experts at healing and hurting! Which one of these doctors will give the other a fatal surgery? Team Fortress 2 VS Skullgirls! INTRODUCTION Wiz: Doctors, where would we be without them? BoomStick: Well, a lot of us would be dead! But, some doctors can hurt just as much as they heal, like these doctors who use their medical tools as weapons! Wiz: Medic, Team Fortress 2's healer of the team. BoomStick: And Valentine, the ninja nurse babe who gives every man 2 big reasons to want to visit the hospital a lot more often! He's Wiz and I'm BoomStick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE! MEDIC Wiz: Medic, a man who is a rather... unorthodox doctor. Born in Stuttgart, Germany his real name and his age is unknown but what is known is that he has a strange fascination for the medical field in his own way. He enjoys plunging needles into flesh and considers healing just a side effect of satisfying his own morbid curiosity. BoomStick: Yeah, I don't recommend surgery from this guy. It's said that he lost his medical license in an accident where... actually it's never revealed what happened to that that first guy, oh god. Wiz: So soon enough Medic found himself a new job hired by Mann CO as 1 of the 9 mercenaries fighting under the RED and BLU team corporations in a war alongside his teammates the Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Sniper, and Spy. Medic became the healer of the team. BoomStick: Medic crafted his own healing device called the Medigun. It releases a red beam that instantly heals any person it touches, restoring them to good as new within seconds. I'm serious! Even if someone is bleeding all over, on fire, or even covered in arrows it doesn't matter, Medic's medigun will heal them back to perfect condition in no time. Plus, it has a meter called the ubercharge. When it reaches 100% Medic can activate the ubercharge covering himself and who ever he is healing in a red aura that makes him and them completely invincible for 8 seconds. However, in this fight Medic obviously will be fighting alone so he'll be healing himself. Wiz: He also crafted 3 alternative versions as well. The Kritzkrieg has a 25% faster ubercharge rate but with this weapon the 100% ubercharge gives 8 seconds supercharged attack power instead of invincibility. BoomStick: The Quick fix gives 40% faster healing rate and 25% faster ubercharge but -50% overheal. Wiz: The vaccinator is much different from the other 3 mediguns. It has a modification designed to give the one being healed 10% resistance to a certain type of attack depending on what Medic chooses whether it be fire, blast, or bullets/physical. And it's ubercharge provides 75% resistance to that certain type of attack for an 8 second duration. BoomStick: But Medic is more than just a healer. He's got plenty of weapons to keep him ready if he's forced into combat. First is the syringe gun, which is a medical gun that shoots syringes at a rapid rate of 10 syringes per second with a maximum of 150 syringes loaded. Ouch, talk about getting your shots. Wiz: Medic also has alternate syringe guns. The Blutsauger heals Medic slightly with each syringe that hits opponents...somehow. But his natural health regen is slightly nerfed down. Oh right, we forgot to mention that, Medic's body can naturally heal itself at a slow but gradual rate, how? I guess because he injected himself with so much shit over the years. BoomStick: The overdose syringe gun causes Medic's movement speed to increase the higher his ubercharge is but the syringes do 10% less damage to opponents. ' Wiz: Apart from syringe guns, the Medic also has the Crusader's crossbow which shoots arrows and the weapon reloads automatically. However, the ammo is drastically decreased from the syringe guns, it only has 38 total ammo. '''BoomStick: Medic also has saws! That's right, saws! Man, this guy really is crazy. Medic has the bone saw which as the name implies, it is strong enough to cut through a person's bones! Ouch! ' Wiz: The über saw provides an automatic 25% to Medic's ubercharge but the weapon itself has a 20% slower striking speed when hitting opponents because I guess it must be heavier. 'BoomStick: The amputator increases Medic's natural heal rate on himself slightly and can perform a move to heal himself drastically but the weapon is 20% less powerful than the other bonesaws. How?! Game logic! ' 'BoomStick: Medic also has the solemn vow which is well, just a statue. ' Wiz: Medic with his incredible inventions is undeniably a genius. He was able to save the Heavy's life inserting a new artifically made heart into him and patching up his entire ripped open chest back to normal with just a small blast of his Medigun. Plus, his invincibility infused ubercharge teamed up with the Heavy using his mini-gun was enough for them to take down an entire team of hundreds of BLU rocket-shooting soldiers at once. However, Medic is still a well... psychopath. There's seriously a lot wrong with him. Like the fact that he doesn't wear his gloves when he is performing surgery, letting blood get all over his hands but he does wear gloves when healing in combat. Really? Then again, he can be considered relatively normal compared to some of the other mercenaries especially the Pyro. '''BoomStick: That's for sure, but regardless Medic is no ordinary doctor. ( Medic heals the Heavy with his medi-gun in surgery patching up his stomach and chest back to normal) Heavy: What happens now? ( Medic grabs Heavy's hand lifting him up while making an evil laugh and evil smile.) Medic: Now, let's go practice medicine. VALENTINE BACKGROUND Gender:Female Age: 27 Birthday: December 25 Bloodtype: A Height: 6'0 Weight:160 lbs. BoomStick: SHE'S SO HOT!!! Damn Valentine! She can be my Valentine! I'd like to get a physical from her! Look at those big... Wiz: Do you have to already start being a pervert before we even begin?! Seriously, if you were able to control yourself all the way to the end of Tifa's analysis I'm sure you can do the same here. BoomStick: Good point, sorry. Wiz: Anyway, Valentine a nurse with a fascination for medical science. Valentine's real name is Valerie. Each member of her group the Last Hope have a code name based on a holiday in which Valentine's name is based on Valentine's Day which is ironic considering she was born on Christmas. Valentine is the only survivor of the Last Hope, a group of special Anti-Skullgirl lab operatives who were killed by the Skullgirl. However, through a series of events she now mysteriously serves under the Skullgirl as a nurse. Valentine lost one of her eyes in the incident that destroyed lab 7. The cross in her remaining eye is the result from the lab's experimental drug test. BoomStick: But it wasn't all bad though because various experiments in Lab 7 modified her body to break beyond the boundaries of human limits pulling off some superhuman stuff that can also be attributed to her awesome ninja skills. Yeah, she's a ninja nurse! Wiz: Valentine's fighting style is that of a classic ninja mixed with acrobatics, hospital-themed weapons, ninja weapons, poisons, and a few ninjutsu based techniques. BoomStick: Valentine's main weapon is a large bonesaw hmm... a bonesaw, sounds familiar. ' ' Wiz: Valentine's stethoscope is used to over-pressure the blood in foes. BoomStick: I'd have fun feeling her heartbeat. ' Wiz: Shut up, anyway Valentine uses her IV pole to jab and stab foes. Wiz: Valentine also always carries a seemingly endless supply of crosses, scalpels and syringes. Seriously, where does she keep those... '''BoomStick: In between her big boobs! Ha, you walked right into that one Wiz. Plus, that's actually where she keeps her chocolate, no joke! So yeah anyway, Valentine uses dead cross's as ninja throwing stars and she has a bunch of syringes that can be filled with 3 different types of poisons. Purple poison will damage foes over time, green poison will increase hit stun, and orange poison will slow foes down. ' '''BoomStick: But when she wants to get really lethal Valentine can throw a flurry of sharp scalpels. BoomStick: And she can electrocute foes with defibrillators and send out shockwaves with her AED. Wiz: Plus, she has her knife, tongue depressor, calipers, and mini hammer. BoomStick: Her combination of all of her weaponry with her high jumping acrobatics, kicks, and ninja skills makes her truly deadly. She's defeated many powerful foes like PainWheel and the Skullgirl herself. ''' Wiz: However, her strength and durability stats are somewhat lacking compared to those she typically fights against. '''BoomStick: But that doesn't matter because she makes for it in speed, agility and strong weaponry. Valentine is the ultimate ninja nurse. ( Valentine kills Painwheel impaling her with multiple scalpels.) INTERMISSION Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all! BoomStick: It's time for a death battle!!!!!!!!!!!!! BATTLE The red team's mercenaries are sitting in the Medic's waiting room each with their own problem. The Scout's nose was broken by his own baseball, the Soldier is sitting in a wheelchair because his legs were blasted off, the Pyro's suit was accidentally burned by a match e was using, the Demoman has beer bottle shards in his ears, the Heavy's stomach is ripped open again with many sandviches inside, the Engineer has multiple knifes on his arms from being stabbed by BLU spies, the Sniper had been shot in various places, and the spy has burns all over from being burned by a BLU team Pyro. Suddenly, the door opens as they all look up but instead of seeing the Medic like they expected out comes an attractive nurse lady with a typical nurse hat, blue hair covering one eye, the other eye is red with a cross symbol engraved on it, and a mostly ripped open shirt with her big boobs almost completely shown that of course they all can't stop staring at, she is Valentine. She takes a piece of chocolate out from in between her boobs and chews on it. Before she speaks the Medic comes through the door standing next to her. Medic: Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to my new medical assistant and girlfriend Valentine. Medic and Valentine kiss as everyone in the room claps and cheers. Scout: Congrats on the hottie doc! Heavy: Heavy likes what he sees. Demoman: Aye, I be drunk but me see a sexy lady. Medic: Danke comrades! Valentine: We'll be back in a moment. Scout: Oooh, we know what that means! Medic and Valentine go back into Medic's medical room as they prepare their tools for surgery. However, Medic suddenly sees a picture on a chair of Valentine with the BLU Medic. Medic gets enraged knocking over some stuff and holds up the picture to Valentine. Medic: How do you explain this?! Valentine: Huh? It's a picture of us babe. When was that taken and why are you wearing blue in it? Medic: Schwachsinn! It's you and the BLU Medic! Valentine: Blue Medic? Is this a joke? Medic: That's it! You broke my heart, now I will saw yours out. Medic takes out his über saw and takes out a button and clicks it which covers the doors in metal, the doors stopping Valentine from leaving. This surprises the red team in the waiting room. Scout: Hey! What the hell is going on?! It cuts back to Medic and Valentine in the surgery room. Valentine: You're insane. Medic: Let's practice medicine. Medic gaining 25% uber from the über saw quickly switches to the bonesaw and swings at Valentine but she blocks it with her own bonesaw as they hold them against each other. Valentine: I don't want to hurt you, I love you, trust me that picture is fake! Medic: Nice try. They swing their bonesaws a few more times blocking each other with each swing. Valentine then jumps in the air and slashes Medic across his stomach causing severe bleeding but Medic heals himself with his medi-gun healing himself to perfect condition which surprises Valentine, her thinking he would already be dead. Medic quickly hops back keeping distance while still healing himself with his left hand holding his medi-gun but also he takes out his syringe gun with his right hand. Medic shoots syringes at Valentine as she dodges with a few jumps and then jumps behind a heart monitor station and begins filling up her own syringe with purple poison. She quickly leans up for a second and shoots the syringe hitting Medic which injects him with purple poison turning him purple hurting him rapidly. Valentine quickly then throws a bunch of sharp scalpels at Medic piercing him throughout his body and throws multiple throwing stars at him piercing him as well. His medi-gun and natural healing barely keeps him alive. Valentine then jumps out from behind the heart monitor to quickly attack him directly before he can heal it all off with his medi-gun, rapidly comboing him with a series of kicks, calipers, a knife stab, hammer swing to the face, and kicks him again knocking him back. She jumps towards him to kick again but Medic then shoots her in the stomach with the Crusader's crossbow injuring her. Medic acts quickly and takes out both the blutsauger and overdose to heal himself and increase his speed while shooting her with syringes from both weapons piercing her with many syringes all over her body. Medic heals himself with the medi-gun quickly as his ubercharge reaches 100%, he activates it gaining a red aura becoming invincible for an 8 second duration. Valentine tries to slash him with her bonesaw but he is invincible. Medic smacks her in the head with the solemn vow and jabs her with his über saw severely damaging her. Medic's ubercharge wears off but as soon as it does Medic reveals that he had also secretly been healing himself with the Kritzkrieg in his pocket and the vaccinator. He activates both über charges gaining supercharged power and physical defense. Valentine attacks him directly kicking and spinning the dead crosses's on her legs on him but it doesn't hurt him much due to his defense. Valentine then swings her bonesaw again but Medic blocks it with his own and then repeatedly shoots her with his blutsauger and overdose hurting her until the Kritzkrieg and vaccinator wear off and his syringes run out of ammo. Valentine quickly then kicks him constantly and uppercuts him in the face knocking him into the air and then takes out her IV pole and jabs Medic with it and throws him against a wall. Valentine then jumps at Medic landing in front of him electrocuting him with her deflibrillators and AED shockwave severely damaging him as he lays against the wall weakened and vulnerable. Valentine: I'm sorry. Valentine finishes Medic off jabbing him through the heart with her bonesaw impaling him against the wall killing him. Valentine then kisses his corpse and finger paints the blood on the wall spelling " Happy Valentine's Day." Valentine then breaks down the door and walks out as all the mercenaries eyes widen in shock as they look in the room seeing it all covered in blood with Medic dead against the wall. Valentine opens the exit door. Valentine: Happy Valentine's Day. Valentine shuts the door and leaves. Meanwhile, inside Medic's surgery room a BLU spy uncloaks holding the picture of Valentine and the BLU Medic. Next to it he picks up another photo that shows himself next to the BLU Medic revealing that he was disguised as Valentine framing the photo to trick RED Medic. The BLU Spy looks at Medic's corpse and makes an evil smile and evil laugh. RESULTS Wiz: Wow... I actually feel really bad. They were perfect for each other. BoomStick: Well too bad! This is death battle so suck it up! Now, do your job and explain this. Wiz: Fine, Medic's rapid healing medi-gun and ubercharge were enough to keep him alive for as long as he was but he couldn't match up to Valentine's superior and more varied weaponry, fighting skill, agility, ninja skills, and so on. BoomStick: Plus, Medic is mainly a healer usually hiding behind his teammates who do the fighting for him and he only fights himself when it's absolutely necessary so he doesn't have much experience while Valentine has been constantly fighting against all sorts of powerful foes including the Skullgirl herself. Wiz: Plus, Valentine has broken beyond human limitations and with Medic, besides his slight natural healing ability and some above average durability he's still at regular human level. Ultimately, all any of Medic's healing could do was delay the inevitable. BoomStick: But don't feel bad! Medic met a new Valentine...death. Wiz: The winner is Valentine Category:'Video Games' themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:'Battle of the Genders' themed Death Battles Category:Anti Hero themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2016 Category:MadMaxPyro